Ohhhh, things are. Changin

Sooo, Friay the 23rd of December was my last day as a working woman. Ya life will now consist of me prepairing for my new little baby. I still can't believe Im pregnant. It's so weird to think that there is something growing inside me. I'll tell you one thing though. This being pregnant isnt my most favorite thing ever. I have had a really hard time with the emotional roller coaster. I literally can not stop myself half the time from being pissed and being mean, or crying and not wanting to get out of my bed. Getting sick actually got worse when I hit the second trimester which I am now in. BUT we find out what the baby is this Friday. I am so excited. I think its a boy. In fact I'm so sure it's a boy that if it ends up being a girl (which I wont be sad about) I will have a hard time ever trusting my gut and my intuition. I just want my little buddy to be happy and healthy. I have a very tricky road a head of me and I realize it more day by day that if I want this child to grow up with the gospel then it is up to nobody but myself... I am scared to death but I have faith I can do it.

Who here among us still believes in choice?

Ha ha, I'm horrible at this blog thing.  Lucky for me no one reads it.  SOOOOOOOOO fun.   I'm 14 1/2 weeks pregnant which is totally so far almost the same as not being pregnant.  Except for random fits of dry heaval and constant all day every day exhaustion... oh and the desire to say whatever is on my mind whenever I feel like it ESPECIALLY when someone or something is pissing me off... oh, and the decision my body has made to litterally break out everywhere, other than that being pregnant so far is the same as not being pregnant.  I haven't gained any weight and I hardly show... I just mostly look like I have a fatty pooch. That is pretty much how I looked before I was pregnant too so no big changes yet.  Dave is really excited.

I am freaking out a little that I married someone of a different faith, I am starting to realize what it means for my child and my little family to not have a preisthood holder in the family and the fact that we won't be sealed together brings me to tears every time I allow myself to think about it.  I just keep going though.  Having faith in the Lord is the only thing I can do besides trying to be the best example to Dave that I possibly can.  I am so scared.

I who have everything.

I started feeling really bad after Irene hit and I was upset that I wanted to have my power go out. People all over the place are screwed and don't have power. People lost their lives, their homes and other things.  I'm just sitting there complaining that I have to go to work.  Man I suck.

I heard you're coming back to life just for the 4th

Its nice that I don't belong anywhere.  I don't belong in Connecticut and I don't belong in Utah.

Its like out in Connectcut I don't feel like I fit in because I don't act the same as the people I'm around, I don't have the same attitude as the people I'm around.  I don't think the same, I just don't fit in. 

In Utah,  everyone has their lives already. There is no room for an Emily anywhere.  Its like at the end of the day where ever I am it doesn't matter because I don't fit in and whoever I'm around I still end up feeling alone.

I dislike my life

To direct or not to direct.

So, I'm up for promotion at work.  I would take over as director of the Darien location.  I LOVE my job soooo much BUT I will not get to take any days off for the rest of 2011. I think I can do it.  Also, I tried really hard not to like Burno Mars, but I do and I'm sorry if that makes you mad. It's really good though.... humm, I wonder what I'm doing with my life...

here is a little picture for you.

Things are looking up.

After a short trip to Utah and a much needed blessing from my father things are already starting to move towards happiness a little bit out here in Connecticut.  My ward just split and I got a calling in my new ward. It is the first time since I was like 18 that I had a calling in church. I haven't been very good at going to church but since they changed the time to 1 instead of 9 I have every intention of going every week. Now I have to go every week because little special freshly baptized 8 year old buddies will be counting on me to be a good teacher. I am so thankful for this blessing. I can not wait to see how things turn out!

I'm going home now.

Ok, so I am going to Utah.  I can't wait.  I always love when I get to go home.  Dave gets mad at me when I call Utah home because Connecticut is supposed to be home.  Connecticut will never be my home.  I may live here but it is not where my heart is.  I have lots of  fun things planned for while I am out there and a fake wedding to attend. Can't wait for that. I am going to keep the thoughts of that to myself though. Whatever, all I know is that this fake wedding is the reason I get to go home and that I am thankful for.  Can't wait to see my family.  I love getting to see my nephews and neices. They are so fun. I'm tired. I'm going to sleep, even though I haven't even started packing yet.  Uggh.

well its Sunday again.

Once again I haven't gone to church today.  I am a horrible example don't ever follow me.  I have had Sunday's off for a month now and I haven't made it once.   The problem is that Saturdays are SO exhausting that I can't even move Sunday.  I work Saturdays from 8 in the morning till 7 at night with out a lunch break and from 10am-7 i am on my feet. It is a non stop day where I have to have my highest energy in order to get through all the parties and it is exhausting.  So exhausting infact that by the time I get home my joints are stiff and I can't really do anything else for the rest of the night, so thats cool.  Anyway, point being is that I am mad at myself for not dragging my lazy ass out of bed to get to church. AND with that said, I have to go grocery shopping because I haven't had the time before today. Life is impossibly with only 1 day off in a row.

I am exhausted.

Thats all. I thought you might like to know.

The other day I did something awesome.  I got the chance to finally get something off my chest that was there for over 10 years.  I didn't think I would have ever gotten the opportunity to clear the air with an old friend and I finally did it.  It took some help from my bestest friend KBG doing a little dirty work.  But I did it.  I will keep names to myself but I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I am feel like I dropped some of the baggage that I had been carrying around for years.   So, thanks KBG... and Nameless you can get back to me whenever you'd like.

TTYL.

Em

I'm a good worker bee.

So it's camp week at work and our hours are shortened which sucks for all of us hourly employees  but there still seems to be a lot of work that needs to be done.  So I being the wonderful employee I am cloked out and stayed and helped with the manual labor of putting all the inventory away with Cassie.  I must say I really mostly LOVE my job.  I like all the people I work with including my bosses and I get to play with kids all day long.   I don't LOVE Saturdays though but other than that, my job is a good thing in my life in Connecticut and that is something I'm very greatful for.

Here goes nothing.

I'm going to start blogging. This should be the most exciting thing that ever happens to anyone.  Brace yourself, this could get interesting.